Hi guys,
I apologize GREATLY for not blogging for a LONG time. A lot has happened over this short period of time.
Well, firstly, I got into a bus accident that caused my arm to be broken. Although I got royal treatment, trust me, it was NOT a good experience AT ALL.
Secondly, this morning, i was looking through my instagram account, when I bumped into my friend's squishy instagram account, there, was a link to her blog. I, I could not help it but to click on the link and check out her blog. No offence, but I am actually going to get REALLY worked up now. Her first post that I read, was a happy one. About her graduating and stuff, just like me.
When it came to her second post that I read, I was really upset. I felt that she was back stabbing me, and I felt REALLY betrayed. Here's a copy and paste of what she typed:
Friend X pushed her down, trampled on her, and made her friendless. For a period of time, Z had no one there for her. X continuously found ways to insult her and cornered her. X's group of friends including Z's e-bestie constantly hurt her, and killed her on the inside. Thankfully, she talked to me about it. They pushed her into deeper depression. Thankfully, she managed to pick herself up. Two friends who supported X actually started supporting Z because they were tired of X's drama. Now, people are staring to befriend Z instead of X. So X is basically a loner with one worshipper only. Sad horh? Karma's a bitch. Don't blame people for your mistakes, X. X, you called her a coward, but she proved you wrong because she isn't.
Well, that's the end of the first post I was really angered and hurt about. BUT, this isn't the end of everything, there's still a second one:
The title was: Jealousy kills, right?
Once again, this post is directed at someone, and to make it clear, not directed at any of my besties. You know, everyone gets jealous at times. *raises hand* I admit. I do. I mean, who doesn't? If you're jealous of your ex-bestie's new super close friend, it's actually pretty normal too. But when you take it to a whole new level by trying all means to destroy their friendship, NOT normal. Friend X and Y were ex-besties. X actually claimed she was happy they had "broken up" and started pointing out all the imperfections of Y. Gurlll, no one's perfect. Psh you don't even have the right to criticise her. Then comes in Z. Z had and actually, still is being bullied by X. Day after day, Z become sadder and sadder. She, was also alone. Y and her actually started becoming friends. Soon after, they were super close. X became really jealous. You can literally see her eyes turn into slits when she sees them laughing and staring at each other. You can see her brain churning, thinking about methods to torture them. She starting trying to cut in-between them and used many means to try spoil their friendship. Me, as a by-stander saw all this. Thankfully, Z and Y, managed to remain close friends. Just to make to very clear, X was really, really, being evil. Fyi, X was my close friend. But, after seeing what she had done to Z and Z and Y's friendship, I became apprehensive to be her friend. Previously, it had taken me a ton of courage to trust her, to be her close friend. I have an issue trusting people, due to someone, and I have already gone through enough shit to last me for a lifetime. I have also gone through enough emotional scarring to last me a lifetime too. So, due to her actions, I was afraid of trusting her ever again.
Well, you get a rough picture. X was me. And Z was my ex-bestie. But what I really feel angered for is: Have you actually paused to think about how I feel? Have you actually stopped and placed yourself in both's shoes? Have you EVER stopped to ask me about MY side of the story. Well, for YOUR information, I did. I STOPPED to think about EVERYTHING before I initiated the breakup. I STOPPED for a LONG time because I wanted to give her a chance. I STOPPED TO GIVE HER MANY CHANCES. But has she EVER done so? NO! I do NOT think so. Every single time she is NOT happy with me, she goes like, "OMG! I'm SO annoyed at you right now. I am now standing on A and B's side until you win me over." YES, she often said those, at least 2-3 times in our friendship.
But whenever she did so, I would take it seriously. I tried my best to win her over, but instead, was hurt countless times by her again. She would flare up at me for no right reason. I remember a time, when I was at Nan Yang Secondary with her, I borrowed money from her to buy some drins as I didn't bring any money, she went like," It's so annoying how you always borrow money from me. I doubt that you even have money for the trip we promised to go together to Tokyo! I don't even remember anything about the details of what ever we promised to do together on our trip to Tokyo!"
And of course I would get jealous. Who wouldn't. But hey, get the facts right. I wasn't the one that wanted to break them up. And my eyes do NOT turn into slits when I see them together. Instead, my heart will start burning with rage and despair. My eyes will become desperate to close up and run away from everything, but they can't. All I could do was to see them together with hurt. Remember what I mentioned, every single time she tries to get away from me, to try and "breakup" with me, I always try to win her back, and never stopped till she was back with me again. But this time, although she did try to win me back, she only tried for a while. After trying a bit, she went off with Y. I can't do this anymore! I can't see the sincerity and perserverance at all! I feel like as if she doesn't cherish our friendship at all!
Yes, I admit, I WAS happy that I and Z had broken up. That is because that I was finally away from more torment! But I was proven wrong alright. Everything still haunts me till this day, although we are fine already. Yes, I admit that I deliberately pointed out Z's imperfections. But have you ever asked why I did so? All I wanted to do is to make myself feel better! To drown my sorrows! Wouldn't you want to drown your sorrows by blaming it to someone else? Do you dare say that anyone hasn't done so, especially yourself? And OH! COME ON! She has criticised me before, so I do not have the right to criticise her? WHAT LOGIC IS THIS! COME ON BITCHES!
Now, people think that I bully Z. But have anyone thought that I'm being bullied by her? She once wrote me a note in class, saying that she was sorry for everything that she ever did to hurt me, but at the end of the note, she told me to act normal during debate classes, and act as if nothing has happened. Does she expect me to do so? What expectations are these?
Well friend, thank you a lot for saying that I'm being very evil. Well, I'm going to tell you that you are being very evil too by backstabbing me like this. Do you have any idea that I'm actually crying while typing this? I'm having trust issues too okay. I've never had a perfect family since young. My life was different from most people. But I placed my trust on Z. I betted on her, forcing myself to believe that I wouldn't lose the litte trust that I have with me when I was with her. I told her many things that I never confided into with others. But you know what? She spread my most embarrassing secret to the one that I dreaded most to know about. Great, know my life's crapped up. I was just picking up with her, when I had to crumble down once again.
Now, back to the first post that I read. My friend, you claimed that I trampled on and made Z friendless. But do you dare swear that she never done so to me too? Z also constantly found ways to insult me and made to follow whatever she told me to do! She told me to win her over, I did. Despite it being exam periods, I spent time preparing hand-written notes for her. She told me to write my chinese words in my Higher Chinese Exam in squiggles, I did so in a few words. When all those time I could have just focused on writing properly and studying on things that I actually really needed to study on! And you claim that everything that I did was drama. But I would like to give you a rebuttal: I do NOT think that this all is a drama. Because everything is real life events It is all true.
You also call me a loner with only one worshipper eh. Well, I'm gonna call you a mean backstabber. I never thought that you were like this friend. I thought that you were nice, sweet and any bestie you had was very blessed to be your bestie. I've never wanted to worshippers. I've only wanted people to be with me, to transform the loner that I am now to some one with friends, someone with company. I ws different since young. I never had many friends. I may seem perfectly fine on the surface, but I'm not in real life. I know that people will despise me and isolate me if the know about my history. And I am NOT blaming Z for my mistakes, I am drowning my sorrows. And I called her a coward because she never owned up to her mistakes.
I found out that she was actually badmouthing me behind my back. Someone told me about me, and it is more than a person that told me so. When I confronted her, she said that she did not. If she were to come up to me and asked me if I was badmouthing her behind her back, I would bravely admitted to it.
Now, me and Z have patched up. Although we are not best friends, we are still happy with each other, I expect. I sincerely apologize to Z now about all the hurt that I've done to her. But my only expectation for her is that she will never hurt me again. I therefore trust her again. I know that whatever that I've typed above may be very mean. But I just can't help it. Because I know that if I hold everything back, nothing good will come out of it. I just want to explain myself out and send out my sincere apologies to everyone involved in this.
